Tell him he either needs to pay half the bills, or move out....and then actually follow through......it will either kick his butt into gear to actually do something, or it will get the mooch out of your houseWell Im dating this guy he isnt working right now we have been together for about 10 months he a barber?
If u guys were dating for 10 months u shouldn't waste your time with him just pretend that u want to break up with him.If he beggs and say give me another chance. Just say that get your lazy but off the couch and go get a job.
Dear Santelse
I maybe a bit old-fashion, but when and why has it become fashionable for women to take care of men. The thought of a woman, especially a woman of color, ';taking care of a man'; makes my stomach turn.
There seems to be this phenomenon in the African-American community of doing this. I'm African-American and I just don't understand this. Go into any projects, anywhere in the country, and you'll see more adult men (chronologically ONLY) shacking with these women and their children. The children in environment see ';mommy'; do this and they believe this is NORMAL and they way things ARE SUPPOSE to be. What in the world!
From the outside looking in, someone with common sense and some experience with dating, would think think that ALL BLACK Women are loose, whores who are co-dependent airheads who take care of adult boys because of what they can do in their beds! Really! And A LOT of black people perpetuate this ideology by their actions.
It makes me very angry. Because as soon as someone sees my seventeen year old daughter, they automatically assume this is her profile. But, it is f...a...r from the truth.
She is an attractive intelligent young lady who is waiting until marriage to engage in sex. She has been accepted to many colleges and plans to go to one in our area as soon as she graduates, this year. She's a National Merit Roll Recipient twice and Who's Who Amoung American High School Students. She's number one on her high school's women track team. She works at Dairy Queen and volunteers at a senior retiremnet center in our community.
Why do YOU feel obligated to take care of him?
Is this something you have been taught is acceptable?.
If I were you mother, I would want you to be around your peers who are doing positive things in their lives. I would advice you to fellowship at your local place of worship with young women who are NOT opening up their bodies to every Tom, Dick and Harry. I would want you to mentor with an older adult Godly woman who could teach you what is REALLY means to be a woman of courage and intelligence.
I'm going to leave you with this, darlin'. Take personal inventory of your life and ask yourself what it is you really want short-term and long-term. What is your five year plan from NOW? Then once you established WHO YOU ARE, ask yourself ,';Do I love myself?'; ';How do I show I love myself?';
Learn to love yourself, FIRST, because at the end of the day, you're all you've got. And remember, you're obviously an intelligent woman, or you wouldn't be asking the question!
Take care, sweetie, and God bless you.
Sincerely,
The Dinosaur Lady
First of all you can't ';make'; him do anything. YOU are allowing him to sponge off of you. If you continue to let this happen, he will continue to sponge. Give him an ultimatum. Either get a job, or get OUT.
Tell him that his laziness has just caused your legs to cross and when he starts to become productive it will begin the uncrossing process.
Just show him you mean buisness, but if he dont do nothing give him an altermatim either you are the couch. If you know what im saying.
Do you love him? If you don't love him and he's that lazy, I wouldn't stay with him; if you do love him then.. bring it to his attention that the laziness annoys you, maybe see what kind of stuff he likes and ask him while he's doing that? If he's motivated, he might not be bothered about how boring it could be.
Um he's LIVING with you?
Yes, he is using you.
So, just for future reference, don't be so quick to shack up next time.
Good Luck!
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